you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
