whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
