Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
