Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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