Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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