I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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