The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
