he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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