ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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