That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
