I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
