five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
