Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
