This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
