even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my poor anus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
