I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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