and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
