hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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