We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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