She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
