thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
