Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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