Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
