dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
