come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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