you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
