yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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