You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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