First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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