Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
