We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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