Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
