would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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