It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They took my balls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
