C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
