Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
