There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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