just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
