He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
