You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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