I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
