please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
