she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
