One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
