We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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