dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
