He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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