omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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