Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she peed on how many people?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
