I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
